f(words)

xii.

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 00:44:36 -0500

i cannot speak of

the green monster whose flesh

simmers deep

within me -

but i will say that i wish

for only the best

to come your way,

and if it doesn’t

then oh well.

xi.

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 15:58:00 -0400

I make mistakes and

that’s

okay.

x.

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 08:43:00 -0400

I hear rustling sounds
in the empty house all the time.

Is that you, Lucy?
Espe?
Ridge?
Cooper?

(Max? Woofa? Sarah?)

I’m so sorry, Xanina.

ix.

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 08:39:00 -0400

someone young and brimming with new experience
   (is that an oxymoron?
   the english and philosophy majors in me
   are arguing)
spoke with me about the excitement the corporate world
brings to him.

i nodded and smiled and agreed
yes, that sounds wonderful
and in that moment,
i honestly thought so.

his excitement was infectious
and i caught the two-hour bug
before returning very harshly to
my unsickly (but dying)
artistic soul.

i imagine beating down brown paths
littered with pebbles
framed by flowers
wandering, aimlessly intent,
looking for beautiful moments to
capture and experience.

no one taught me how to do that
yet it’s what i do best.

viii.

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 11:01:00 -0400

is there something wrong

with my modern-day tongue?

old works seem so

elaborate

intellectual

beyond comprehension

(beyond

re-creation.)

was that how they spoke

in their every day lives?

it’s how i’m starting to speak

in my everyday life.

vii. where does the layman find illumination?

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 10:11:00 -0400

where does the layman find illumination?

does he find it in words
read on flat surfaces,
round surfaces,
cracked surfaces,
skin surfaces?

does he find it in images?
   painted
   drawn
  captured in

flash -

a moment in time that
breeds
c l a r i t y.

(like the first breath after being
down under for
five seconds longer than
one usually lasts)

but

   can moments truly breed clarity?
   or does it take more?
   does it require
a period

of time?

everything seen and heard,
evaluated and processed,
and then accepted

leads

to illumination.

problems arise when your incandescent lightbulbs
disagree
with your neighbor’s flourescent globes.

vi. literary friends

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 14:12:00 -0400

the songs of roland
have an unfamiliar tune
while
the songs of solomon
come off like a melody
you start humming expertly
until it takes a unexpected turn
and you realize you
don’t know it after all.

exodus opens my eyes
none too gently
(my lids are pulled
and held open
by cheap tape
when i realize the
parting of the red sea
was actually the
trudging through the red marsh.)

the iliad is a familiar friend;
the one who always was nice,
but scared me a little anyway.

what’s a close reading?
should i get close to these readings?
should i buy sophocles dinner first,
or would it be okay
to skip the formalities
and get straight to
stripping down
his mind?

v. doubt

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 14:07:00 -0400

is there such a thing as permanence?

confidence will always be shaken.

(if you’re sure now,
you weren’t sure before
and you needed to

break

down

before you could
   solidify
  again
into the
  you
of today.)

iv.

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 14:02:00 -0400

if everything in life
had to do with plans
nothing new would ever be

created

discovered

nurtured.

ideas won’t be provoked
nothing will be challenged
everything will be predictable
and souls will starve.

work, play, work, play
work play work play

work

play

(it would be the

same

old

shit

every day.)

inspiration would be a dry well
in the middle of a ghost town
whose last resident leaves tomorrow
at 3:50PM.

iii.

Mon, 14 Mar 2011 11:15:00 -0400

it’s so difficult
sitting here and pretending
that i don’t feel my life passing by.

a country is torn
and my concern is economic trends,
justin and tertullian, segmented income statements.

i am dying
   every second
but we make ourselves
          so tired
      that i would rather sleep
            just a few more hours
   than experience
       a few more moments.

ii. departed train

Sat, 05 Feb 2011 07:53:00 -0500

I thought immediately that you
looked more stunning than was right
for a simple photograph with friends.

(I imagine
it would have hurt differently if,
“Are you at a wedding?”
I’d asked earlier, and,
“Yes, my own,”
you’d answered.)

I suppose it’s not worth asking about
if you thought it not worth mentioning.

i. (the only regrets in my life have to do with [you])

Thu, 06 Jan 2011 07:03:00 -0500

If we were meant to be
peas in a pod
instead we’ve evolved into
near Irish twins with
a penchant for pissing each other off.

I can try to remember
when it started
but we’ve both noticed
my memory is fragile
at inconvenient times.

I can only say for certain
what we’ve turned into
and how:

Your poor insecurity was
easy prey
for my discreet vanity
and subtle pride.

(I swear when I first realized,
It made me sick and I swore
to stop.

But habits are hard to break.)

Pettiness was in my dark nature
and I hid it well, my
intentions adorned with the best mask
while the most pathetic flesh
warmed beneath.

Realization did not so much hit me
as it slowly sunk its teeth
into my conscience;
I have failed you in so many ways
and my penance has been a mantra
echoing in my mind
to do better before it’s too late.

I am afraid I’ve squandered time
and I am perfectly honest when I say
that I regret nothing about my life thus far;
for although painful,
it has made me the person I am to have
my ugly humanity thrown in my face.

But if there is one growing pain I regret,
it is yours
as a side-effect of mine.

I have always been better with words
than with actions
perhaps because of all those books I’ve read
that I belittled you for ignoring

So one day I will find the courage to tell you
that your bravery inspires me,
your endurance astounds me,
and the reason I like to knock you down
is so I can witness your glory when
(and brim with pride at)
the way you always
firmly
find your feet.